Longing

Sitting here in the DUC just wondering the direction I'm heading...There are so many things that can go wrong...that can go right.  Every situation can influence where I am in the next year, the next month, the next day and even the next couple of hours.  But it's hard for me to look too far ahead without me getting side tracked on where I am now.  I long, I mean truly have this desire in my heart, to serve...to love...to live like I am who I say I am.  Which is great, it just seems that I can never quite keep this longing.  It always gets lost in my humanity.  Days come and go and yet, I don't live up to what  I said I was going to do.  So what is the problem then?  I would have to say that my longing is misdirected.  I've been longing for perfection, which is ultimately the goal, but I've looked at the wrong things to get there.  What would happen if I longed after God and a life spent with Him rather than my perfection?  Doesn't my longing for God propel me to live a spiritually full life?  I think that I so often I search for perfection in the wrong places.  Instead of longing after He that is perfect, I long after the idea of perfection.  Which, because I'm human, my idea of perfection is flawed.  Therefor, I never find exactly what I've been searching for.  Instead I've been longing for this idol, instead of the true Holiness, Wondrous and Perfect.