Longing

Sitting here in the DUC just wondering the direction I'm heading...There are so many things that can go wrong...that can go right.  Every situation can influence where I am in the next year, the next month, the next day and even the next couple of hours.  But it's hard for me to look too far ahead without me getting side tracked on where I am now.  I long, I mean truly have this desire in my heart, to serve...to love...to live like I am who I say I am.  Which is great, it just seems that I can never quite keep this longing.  It always gets lost in my humanity.  Days come and go and yet, I don't live up to what  I said I was going to do.  So what is the problem then?  I would have to say that my longing is misdirected.  I've been longing for perfection, which is ultimately the goal, but I've looked at the wrong things to get there.  What would happen if I longed after God and a life spent with Him rather than my perfection?  Doesn't my longing for God propel me to live a spiritually full life?  I think that I so often I search for perfection in the wrong places.  Instead of longing after He that is perfect, I long after the idea of perfection.  Which, because I'm human, my idea of perfection is flawed.  Therefor, I never find exactly what I've been searching for.  Instead I've been longing for this idol, instead of the true Holiness, Wondrous and Perfect.

Things Forgotten?

Questions always arise when I start a brand new school year.  What classes will I have the most work in?  How will my teachers be?  Where are my classes (seem to worry about this one the most)?  Who will I have/know in my classes (I worry about this one a lot too)?  The one thing I notice about all these questions when I take a quick look at them...they're all about me.  Have I really forgotten why I'm in the situation I'm in?  True, I'm there usually because my parents made me and I want a well paying job when I become an adult, but why has God put me in these classes with these people?  Did I ever stop to think that these are all people who desperately need to know who Christ is?  And if I'm worried about myself at this moment...what are the chances that I'm going to worry about their need? Their brokenness?  God has place us all in the situations we are in, with the people that we are with for one great purpose...to be that "little Christ" we are supposed to be.  Or have we forgotten that?  When I think about that title, it makes me change the way I think about my entire school day.  It makes me think about the things I say and how I act around others.  It's like what Freddy always said...Are we bringing clarity or confusion to Christianity?  As mirrors of Christ, are we dirty, so that Christ can't be clearly reflected in our lives, or are we clean, as to clearly reflect who Christ is?

Unchanging

It's about four in the morning and I just can't sleep right now.  There is so much going on all around me and I am just not at all prepared for what is happening.  Once again, I seem to find myself just starting over.  Friends are once again leaving for college, another new year of school and trying to maintain/make progress on my relationship with Christ.  It's becoming head scratching...I'm really sick of change.  Incredibly sick of change.  New things/new experiences just wear me down. 
But I've been learning recently that comfort comes in all forms.  Friends come and go, school years change, and my relationship with God goes through its ebs and flows.  And yet, GOD NEVER CHANGES!!!  Honestly, I don't think that I fully understand this statement.  Even when my relationship with Him is in total jeopardy, when He knows I have nothing to give Him, he is there and present and always filling.  His mercy is always there...He is always comforting...always Holy....always life-giving...always my comforter...always my everything...always...always

Bringing it Back

Rather than writing another post...thought I would just use this one.  This post is from around this time last year...enjoy!
Just a Reminder...Time Isn't Always on Your Side

It seems like yesterday... starting my first day at Francis Howell North. Walking through the huge hallways as a freshman. Where did the years go?
Or sophmore year, going into a school much more confident than the year before. I had walked the hallways, knew where the classes were and could finally look down on another group of students.
Junior year... that was a year to remember. My first homecoming, year of my first official girlfriend, my first prom. Man was that the year.
And then of course, Senior year. The big dawgs on campus. We could look down at all of the classes. The year of our graduation, all knighter, last prom, last homecoming, senior skip day and so much more.
Sure they were all great years, they all had their hype and their excitement. But what gets me is all the missed opportunities. The times that i failed to show who I truely was. To show that I lived for Christ and no one else. The times I went down the halls without saying a simple "Hi" to a person who needed it. The persons that I forgot to pray for when they were hurting. The conversations that I never had because I was too afraid to say something. What I would do to have those chances back.
Its comes with a lesson though, time is too short to waste. Time is never on your side. Take advantage of your opportunites Eric, you may never get them back. Say something...what do you have to lose?
So as I start my new year, at a new school with people who have never met me, it becomes increasingly important to live my life as if it is my last day with these people who I have yet to know. Whether i am uncomfortable or just scared, what do I have to lose? That they wont like me... haha, they dont even know me. And thats the point. Who do I want them to know? The Eric who says nothing and really has nothing to say, or the Eric who lives for Christ and whose actions and words reflect that.

Just a Start...

This is just a start...it's a place to start from.  It's a place in which I can just look back on and say, "I was able to build up from that point." Or build down...I wonder if that is what God said when He perfectly created the Heavens and the Earth? "I started with nothing, but look how beautiful it looks now."  It started as nothing and was made into something beautiful.  I wonder if that statement is what the the Nazi's said in WWII?  "We started the war with this amazing, strategical leader, and yet all it caused was death and destruction."  So, just by those two examples I can say that the start of something doesn't necessarily predict the outcome of a situation.  Now, this does not mean that the start is not important.  For a building cannot be structurally sound without a firm base to hold it up.  Neither can a Christian stand firm if the correct cornerstone (Christ) is not in place.  But the start is only the start.  It is not the whole story.  The same can be said about the conclusion also.  It is not just the end, but in many ways....it is.  The middle is rather important though.  If the middle of a bridge is not sturdy then multitude of cars at rush hour cannot pass over it.  The in-betweens of life are also rather important, or life really doesn't exist.  Without a middle, there is no story, no living.  I think it is when we learn that every moment of every day is important, that we truly start living.  So maybe the beginning and end give answers to what the story might look like, but what fills that story and gives you and I that answer is always in the middle...